6 Ways to Help Your Shy Kid Find Their Voice

Growing up, I was so shy I wouldn’t speak to my parents if there were other people around. I did a LOT of observing, thinking, and judging. And I felt overwhelmed by what I saw. But I didn’t have ways to communicate about it or to any adults to help me understand one very important thing – 

Those feelings are valid and can be channeled to action. 

What I needed was for an adult to help me feel safe, talk to me about what was going on in my head, and help me process it in a way that left me feeling empowered.

I did eventually figure it out on my own (thank goodness!). To help ensure more kids get what I didn’t have, I’m sharing these 6 ways to help your shy kid find their voice.

Create Space

Quite often, the quiet kids are also considered the “well-behaved ones.” I was! The truth is, that shy kids are holding a lot inside. They’re watching, judging, and questioning, but also feel overwhelmed. Create a safe space for your shy kid to ask questions and talk about what’s in their head. A simple “what are you thinking” or “you look like you’ve got a lot on your mind. Want to share” can go a long way toward helping them open up.

Avoid Judging

Sharing what’s in their head is scary, even with a trusted adult. When they do choose to open up, remain neutral in body, voice, and response. Don’t laugh (unless they’re genuinely doing so), cry, or make mouth noises that sound judgmental. DO tell them you understand their feelings, hug them if it feels appropriate, ask them why they feel the way they do and if there’s anything you can do. 

Empower Them

Once they’ve shared those big thoughts in their heads, they need to feel like they can do something to change/help. It makes things less scary to feel like there’s an action that can be taken, even for adults. Talk about different things they can do. Maybe together you can write a letter to the editor, host a lemonade stand fundraiser, or volunteer somewhere. Get creative!

Keep the Conversation Going

Talking about the big things in their head once isn’t enough. Shy kids often think A LOT. About EVERYTHING. Make having these deep conversations about what’s going on in their mind a regular activity. Maybe on the way home from school or once a week over the dinner table. Whatever feels right for you and your family. Be sure to always end the conversations on a positive, empowering note.

Know That What Their Thinking and Feeling is About Something Bigger

Often, it’s the quiet ones who want to make the biggest difference, possibly because they see more pain and suffering (or feel it more deeply) than the loud, busy kids. It’s important to remember that each of these big things in their head are more than a quiet, serious child thinking deep thoughts – they’re about their passion and purpose. You can help steer the conversation this way, which will further empower them and help them feel safe. Need help? Grab my free download!

Remember, It Takes Time

Even with lots of nurturing, safe space, and empowerment, it can take a while for shy kids to feel comfortable opening up and/or taking action on a regular basis. Be patient. Continue to create a safe, non-judgemental place, help them feel empowered, and explore their interests with them. Over time, they’ll feel more comfortable sharing and will open up more and more – maybe even to other people! There’s no time line. Every kid is different. Follow your child’s lead and know that all timing is perfect.