Ellie's Journey

This is the continuation of Ellie of The Woods (1 of 3). These may someday be published as beginner chapter books, but for now, I’m sharing them here as 3 separate blog posts. Enjoy! 💖

Chapter 1

When last we saw Ellie, she'd left her home in the woods and was sharing healing with everyone she met. Little did she know how much she'd learn in the process.

Having been raised by the Wild Ones, Ellie thought she knew all there was to know. She believed her mission of sharing healing also meant she was wise.

And she was.

But not about everything.

----

Let's see what Ellie is doing now.

Ellie has just shared healing with more people. They're walking around smiling and hugging each other while Ellie packs her bag to continue her journey.

Someone approaches her. 

"Ellie, I have a question."

Inside herself, Ellie sighs. But she puts a smile on her face and turns to look at the person. 

"Sure. How can I help you?"

"Well, I'm wondering. I feel so good now - happy and peaceful - but won't that fade after I go back to living my life?"

"It might," Ellie admits. 

"What do I do then?" this stranger asks.

Once again, Ellie sighs inside herself, thinking, "It's not my job to solve your whole life..." Out loud, she says, "You can find somewhere quiet and recall the ceremony we did here today. You can capture that and share it with others like I did with you."

"And that will help?"

"It will. Keep doing it and it will get easier."

"Okay," the stranger says, and walks away.

"Thank goodness," Ellie thinks and continues to pack her bag.

A few moments later, someone else approaches. 

"Ellie?" they whisper tentatively.

This time, Ellie's sigh is a little bit audible. 

"Yes?" she replies.

"Thank you for today."

"You're welcome."

"Can I make a suggestion?"

Ellie wants to roll her eyes, but doesn't. 

"Sure," she says, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I think it would be really great if at the end of the ceremony you could give us all tips for how to share it with others and how to hold onto this peaceful feeling."

"Thanks for the suggestion," Ellie mutters, hoping this person will go away.

"Sure. And Ellie?"

Ellie is pretty sure her sigh can be heard all the way back in the forest where she was born. 

"Yeah?"

"You're a beautiful person. Be sure to take care of yourself so there's enough of you to take care of others."

These words wash over Ellie. She can feel the truth of them, but she also feels annoyed. 

"My mission is to heal you!" she thinks. “Why would I need to take care of me? That has nothing to do with it.”

"Thank you. I'll remember that," Ellie says aloud. With that, she picks up her bags and walks off to her next destination.

Chapter 2

As she walks, Ellie mutters to herself.

"These people! How much do they expect me to do? They have to take responsibility for their own healing."

"Who the heck was that lady telling me to take care of me? What right does she have?"

"I want to go back to the forest. I miss my wild family."

After a while, Ellie stops walking. She sits under a tree, hoping it will help her feel connected to the Wild Ones she misses so much. Pulling an apple from her pack, Ellie closes her eyes and tries to relax while enjoying her snack.

Some part of her recognizes an empty feeling inside that keeps trying to get her conscious attention, but Ellie's not ready to deal with it. Instead, she absentmindedly tries to fill it with food, spending time with animals and nature, and pretending she loves healing others on her journey.

But Ellie also feels close to coming apart. She wants to sit under this tree and sob forever. But she doesn't believe she can; that would mean failing in her mission. And Ellie refuses to be a failure.

With a big sigh, Ellie grits her teeth, balls her hands into tiny fists, and gets up. 

"I will NOT fail," she determines. "I was raised for this, brought here to do this." 

Slowly, Ellie takes one step after another on the way to her next healing ceremony.

"My very soul is tired," Ellie thinks. “I wish I could heal myself the same way I heal other people." 

Ellie tries to shrug off thoughts like this, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore them.

Chapter 3

It's time for another healing ceremony. Ellie steps up and leads the group through the same ceremony she's done a million times. They're all a little different because the people are different, but her role is largely the same each time.

Where she used to feel joy, Ellie now feels tired. She wants someone to heal her, take care of her, rescue her. But she thinks that she has to do that all for herself. 

"Besides," she thinks, "who would I lean on? My wild family is back in the forest far, far away. I'm alone."

That thought nearly brings Ellie to tears, but she holds them in, trying to be strong and finish the ceremony. This time, when it's over, Ellie packs up and leaves without taking the time to talk to people individually. She's not sure she could respond kindly and won't risk upsetting people she's just given healing to.

"I have to get out of here!" Ellie thinks. "I just want to go home to the forest."

Ellie falls to her knees, sobbing. The tears keep coming, and she starts coughing and choking on them. 

"This is ridiculous! I'm strong!" 

The harder Ellie tries not to cry, the more she cries.

"I don't want to be strong anymore," Ellie weeps. "Won't someone help me?"

Gradually, the tears stop. Ellie wipes her nose and eyes with her sleeve. She sniffs, picks herself up off the ground, shifts her bag on her back, and keeps walking.

Ellie makes a conscious effort to smile at everyone she passes on her journey, but inside, she's still crying. 

Chapter 4

Months and years go by. Ellie becomes more and more miserable with each passing day. But she's determined to share healing with as many people as she can.

One day, while she's sobbing and wishing for someone to rescue her, the words someone spoke long ago come back to her: "be sure to take care of yourself..."

This time, instead of mentally shrugging them off in annoyance, Ellie wails, "How? How do I do that?"

She's sobbing so hard, she doesn't realize that the answer is at hand.

Slowly, the tears stop. She sniffs, blinks, and wipes her face. When she looks up, she sees a crow staring at her intently.

"I know you!" she yells. 

"Caw! You do!" the crow replies.

"Oh Uncle Crow," Ellie wails, "I miss you all so much. I'm so lonely and tired. And I just want to come home."

"We know. But Ellie, it's not time yet."

"I know!" Ellie despairs. "I just don't know how much longer I can keep going." Ellie's about to burst into tears again.

"Ellie. Look at me."

She looks up.

"Just because it's not time to come home yet, doesn't mean you have to keep going either. It's okay to rest."

"It is? But what about my mission?"

"It will keep, Love. It will keep. Rest now so you have the strength and love to keep doing your work."

"But, Uncle Crow! People are counting on me."

"So they are. And they will wait. Tell them you need to take some time for self-care so you can continue to give them your best."

"But...won't they be mad?"

"Some might be. That's okay. That's because they're learning how to set boundaries, too."

"But if they're mad, won't they stay away and miss out on the healing?"

"They might. If that's the case, they'll find the healing they need somewhere else. They just as easily might decide they respect your boundaries, even if it was upsetting, and decide to come when you're ready."

"Oh..." Ellie thinks about this.

"Ellie," Uncle Crow says gently, "you've needed to take a break for a long time. Part of you knows that."

"Yes," she admits. "That's true."

Uncle Crow cocks his head to one side.

"I haven't listened to that part of me because I thought that if that was something I was supposed to know or do, you and the other Wild Ones would have taught me."

"Oh, Ellie. We all love you so much, but we could not, and cannot teach you everything."

"You can't?" Ellie feels near despair again.

"No, sweetheart. Some things you need to learn and discover for yourself. That's why we sent you out into the world."

"But...I thought you sent me out into the world to heal others?"

"That's also true."

"Then how can I do that and learn lessons?"

"They go together."

Uncle Crow flies off, leaving Ellie to ponder this. She does feel a little better and plans to take a break soon, now that she has permission.

Chapter 5

Ellie spends the next few weeks sitting under trees, playing in ponds and streams, laying in fields staring at the sky, and laughing with the wind.

"It feels so good to laugh again!" Ellie can't remember the last time she laughed or why she stopped.

Ellie notices that she's feeling lighter, fuller, more carefree. 

"It's time," she thinks. "Time to get back to my healing mission."

She cheerfully picks up her bag and sets out again to share the healing ceremony with others.

While she walks, she thinks about how boring the ceremony had become for her. 

"Maybe, there's a way I can do something about that."

This thought helps Ellie become open to possibilities. She's allowing fresh ideas and perspectives.

As she walks, Ellie pauses to take in the scenery around her. The blue sky and fluffy clouds that look like so many of the Wild Ones; the trees with their rough bark and soft, green leaves; the bees buzzing and drinking from the colorful flowers; the toad that hops across her path...

"Oof!" Ellie collides with someone. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't paying attention."

"Looks to me like you were paying perfect attention to exactly the right things," the woman replies. 

"Oh...uh, thanks, I guess." Ellie says. "Are you okay? I'm really sorry I ran into you."

"I'm fine, child. Don't worry," the woman replies and pats Ellie on the shoulder. 

Ellie is about to shrug her off, when she notices something. Ellie squints and looks closer. 

"Do I know you?"

"You do."

"Who are you?"

"All in good time, child. All in good time."

Ellie shrugs, not sure what to say. 

"Well, have a nice day then," she mumbles and keeps walking.

Oddly, the woman changes direction and walks with Ellie.

"Can I do something for you?" Ellie asks.

"Yes."

"What?"

"All in good time, child. All in good time."

Ellie sighs inside. 

"Why do these crazy people always find me?!" But she doesn't want to insult the woman, especially after she was so nice when Ellie ran into her. 

The woman and Ellie walk in silence. The kind of silence where something is being said without words. The kind of silence that is fragile and precious, where you feel as if you breathe funny you might crack it.

Chapter 6

Ellie shares healing with many more people. It feels different this time. The ceremony, while basically the same each time, shows up a little bit differently depending on who is there and what they need.

When people come up to Ellie afterwards with questions, she answers them happily, with no internal sighing or eye rolling. 

"Being more open makes healing and sharing this ceremony easier and more joyful," Ellie notices. "I'm less frustrated when people don't get it, or disagree. I guess I did need that break."

Through it all, the woman Ellie crashed into on the road stays nearby, silently observing and sharing Ellie's journey.

At first, Ellie was unnerved. 

"What does this woman want?" she'd think to herself about a thousand times a day. For some reason, though, she never asked again. Being told "all in good time" once was enough. Especially since it didn't make any sense!

Now, weeks later, Ellie has grown used to the woman's presence, almost as if they'd become a part of each other.

"Do you know who I am yet?" the woman asks.

"Oh, we're talking again?" Ellie sasses, but then regrets it. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude."

The woman nods, accepting Ellie's apology.

"I feel like I might be closer, but no. I don't know who you are yet."

The woman nods again, and they continue to walk in silence. The silences have grown firmer, more like Ellie and the woman are breathing together than waiting for the other to break it.

Chapter 7

Weeks and months go by this way. Ellie has grown accustomed to having this woman around, and that empty place inside feels fuller when the woman is near.

While they're walking one day, Ellie turns to the woman. 

"Are you me?" she asks.

"Yes!" the woman cries in delight.

"I get it now. You're the part of me I was denying. The part of me that knows how to care for myself, for others, for all Earth in a way that's healing and healthy for all."

"Yes, that and more."

"I see..." Ellie ponders this for a few minutes.

"You're also the part of me that was left behind when I left the woods, right?"

"Yes! That's it!" The woman smiles and jumps for joy.

"I have so many questions!"

"Ask away, child. Ask away."

Ellie and the woman find a comfortable place to sit beneath a tree. With her head in the woman's lap, Ellie begins.

"Why did you stay behind?"

"Because child, if I'd been with you, you'd never have had the chance to experience life as others do. You'd never have known how much lessons can hurt. You'd never have felt lonely, scared, frustrated, or fed up."

"I know I had to experience those things to become better at my mission. And I know I've still got a lot to learn. So why are you back with me now?"

"Because child, you're now at a point where you know you'll always be learning and growing. You know that no one - including you - is perfect and you're beginning to understand how to meet others where they are. This means it's time for me to rejoin and help you."

"That makes sense. Will you always be walking next to me?"

"For now."

"Will you leave me again?" Ellie worries. "I feel like I need you."

"Now that we've reconnected and you know how to be humble, I'll never leave you again."

"Okay. Good!"

Chapter 8

Days and weeks pass. Ellie and her other self no longer walk in silence. Now, they walk and talk. Pointing out things that speak to them along their way, discussing how one ceremony went and how to help more people at the next one.

Sometimes, they meet up with people along the way. They'll stop to chat, share a hug or some food, and, each time, hope they've left the other person feeling happier than when they met.

When Ellie starts to feel frustrated and bothered, she and her other self find somewhere quiet to rest for as long as Ellie needs. She's learned that regular breaks like this mean she's more approachable. There's a lot less internal sighing, too!

"It's like a pot on boil," Ellie explains to her other self. "You have to watch the heat and make sure it doesn't boil over. My temper is the same way. If I watch the heat and take breaks to cool down, I won't erupt inappropriately."

"Very good!" Her other self praises her for learning this lesson.

"I wish I had learned that sooner." Ellie laments.

"Don't regret anything, child. All timing is perfect. You learned in the right time for you."

"I guess."

"Ellie. Don't guess. KNOW."

"Huh?"

"KNOW. Look inside yourself, look inside the part of you that is me, and KNOW."

"Oh boy. This is another lesson, huh?"

"It is."

"Okay. I'll work on it. But can we just look at the clouds for now?"

"Of course."

Chapter 9

While Ellie continues to ponder this idea of knowing, she's also continuing her mission of sharing healing with others.

After a ceremony one day, someone approaches her and whispers something in her ear.

At first, Ellie is so shocked by what she hears that she can't speak. She feels a tingling on the top of her head and chills on her arms.

When she finds her words, Ellie replies, "you just woke up something inside me."

The stranger nods and moves on, but Ellie feels stuck to the ground.

"This is what knowing is," Ellie realizes. With that, her other self takes her hand and whispers, "yes."

Hand in hand, they walk into a field and look up at the sky.

Uncle Crow joins them.

"I feel like I just found the key to everything! By listening to those whispered truths and trusting them, even if they don't seem to make sense, I'll always be on the right path - we all would be!”

"Yes, that's true," Uncle Crow replies. "But you'll find many humans have a hard time listening to and trusting that whisper. Even the ones who are connected to Spirit."

"But why? It seems so easy!" 

"It is for you, child, but you were raised by Wild Ones. Humans are raised by other humans. They're taught from an early age to listen to other humans, older humans, humans who know more. Young children are taught to ignore that inner knowing and listen to 'grown ups' instead."

"That's really unfortunate," Ellie pouts.

"It is," replies Uncle Crow. "We had to have that part of you stay behind when you left the woods so that you would understand this."

"I get it. I couldn't teach them how to reconnect to that sense of knowing if I'd never lost it myself."

"Exactly! You're doing very well, Ellie."

Ellie grins."Thanks, Uncle!" 

"Like, when I needed a break, but I didn't listen because I thought I wasn't allowed to take a break, and I kept getting more and more upset. It was like a harder push to listen to my inner knowing and trust it."

"Yes."

"And when I was bored with the ceremony, that wasn't about the ceremony being boring or the people there. It was about me needing to learn the lesson of being open to changing it in the moment based on what's needed."

"Yes."

"I get it!" Ellie jumps up victoriously.

She looks around. 

"Where did my other self go?"

Uncle Crow only cocks his head.

Ellie starts to panic, but then realizes she doesn't feel empty the way she did before her other self showed up. She closes her eyes and looks inside. 

"There you are!"

"Yes, child. We're fully integrated now. I will always be here with you, but you no longer need to see me represented outside your body. You know how to connect to me now without seeing me in front of you."

Ellie snaps her fingers. "I get it! It's about finding a quiet place like this and talking to you inside me."

"There you go! You got it!"

"I do! But...what if I can't find a quiet place?"

"That will happen at some point. Let's wait til it does and see what happens."

"Okay."

Chapter 10

Weeks and months pass. Ellie walks with her head up. She greets everyone with a smile and thinks she’s listening to her inner knowing.

One day, she feels like she’s being asked to do something really hard. So hard that she doesn’t want to do it. She thinks she’s being asked to change her way of life. 

“This is my mission! This is where I’m supposed to be. This whisper from Spirit, this inner knowing, it can’t possibly be right!” Ellie insists.

And so, she keeps going. She keeps doing the healing ceremonies, and she keeps believing she’s listening.

But the sense that it’s time for a change keeps getting stronger. 

“I’m mostly happy, really. I love my work and helping others. It’s fine. The parts that aren’t fine will change. They will!” Ellie insists to herself, but part of her isn’t so sure.

The feeling of needing to change grows and grows.

One day, she can no longer ignore it.

“I can’t believe this, but I think I’m done. I’m done with the healing ceremonies. I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to do yet, or where I’m supposed to go. But I know it’s time to move on.”

For the first time in a long time, Ellie feels at peace. She finds a tree in a field and sits down under it.

“What am I supposed to do now?” she asks.

Uncle Crow appears.

“Finally, child! We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Sorry, Uncle. I guess I was being stubborn.”
“You were. And there will be a consequence for that, but for right now, let’s get you where you need to go! There’s no time to waste!”

“Where am I going, Uncle?”

“Come with me. You will see when we get there.”

Ellie takes Uncle Crow’s wing and they fly off towards Ellie’s next adventure.